THIS ISN’T WORKING FOR ME
This isn’t working for me. This happens sometimes. Did you skip any of the required skills or go forward when the skills were not really working for you? They are essential to doing this well and safely. Are you working on memories that all parts of you agree are safe enough to work on right now? Are you consistently over-activating the memory (remember this should be painless)? There are strategies below for activating the memory less. Did you do this for three minutes and decide that it isn’t working? Very little happens for most people before 20-30 minutes. Typically when problem show up, they are problems with containment, problems with overactivation, or problems with the calm scene not inducing an experience. See below for more details.
CONTAINMENT PROBLEMS
Problems developing the container (visualization problems). If you have problems visualizing, try to make the container concrete by using an actual box that you push away from you. If you continue to struggle with the visualization of the container, identify what is distressing in this microslice of the memory and then do a motion with your arm like you are tossing that distress away from you.
Problems with the container not working well/distress not going into it quickly. If you can easily visualize and you are struggling to container the current microslice of the distress from the memory, you may be playing the memory too long and over-activating it. Problems with containment usually come from too much activation. See managing activation section below.
Parts of me don’t like that we are containing some of the things that are coming up. I can imagine. We are not containing things because they are bad or not welcome. We container the distress and push it out of awareness because we need all of awareness to be available to the calm scene. Distress in awareness will make the calm scene less effective. If it feels like we are dismissing the information that we put into the container, this is the exact opposite of what we are doing. The microslice of the memory that you just put in the container is the part of the memory that is about to get fully or partially processed in your next round in the calm scene. What gets put in the container is what we are paradoxically about to resolve.
CALM SCENE PROBLEMS
Alternatives to YouTube videos? Yes. You can listen to this website while going on a walk and noticing the lovely things on your way. Your calm scene can be rocking a baby or a grandbaby. It can be the memory of rocking a baby or a grandbaby. Have a dog named Coco? She can be your calm scene. You can play with her or imagine playing with her. You can make and eat slowly your favorite sandwich. You can imagine putting toppings on a pizza, then imagine that bubbly-hot pizza coming out of the oven. Imaginary calm scenes can tire you out… there is mental effort in repeatedly creating them at the speed they need to be created in these approaches, but they can also work fine. Have a favorite comedian? Listening to her comedy show works. Long story short, you need to engage in an activity that isn’t connected with your bad memory and it needs to shift how you feel right here, right now. And it needs to be sustainable, meaning that you need to have the capacity to keep doing it for 30-45 minutes.
Can I change the calm scene? Yes. Calm scenes may get boring or stale and it is important to change them as needed. Yes, you can change them mid-process.
The bad memory intrudes into my calm scene. Stop. Immediately stop and container whatever that content is that intruded. Push it 1,000 miles farther way than you pushed it last time. The calm scene and the memory cannot exist in the same mental space, or problems will occur (thus the need to push the memory content out of awareness so that we can make all of awareness available to the calm scene). If you continue to struggle with the memory intruding into the calm scene, use your resources and stop. Take a break. Pick a more tolerable memory from a different part of your life and try there.
MANAGING ACTIVATION
It is hard to look at the memory very quickly… I keep looking at it too long. Indeed. This is a difficult non-intuitive task. We manage activation by glancing at the memory for even shorter amounts of time. Parts of us want to activate this memory and other parts of us may be phobic of it. We are not accustomed to looking at trauma really quickly, but that is one of the distinct and active features in this approach. Here are some ways that you can practice looking very quickly at something. Let’s test this first without looking at trauma. If you have a pull-out drawer in a desk, open it very quickly and immediately close it. What is the one thing that you saw in the drawer? Try to see whatever single object you saw go into the container and get pushed out of awareness. Also, you can try to close your eyes and turn your head. Now, open your eyes very quickly and immediately close them. What was one object that stood out in that snapshot that you just took? Contain it and push it out of awareness. These exercises can help you learn to glance at something very quickly. Also, you can toss a small toy into the air and try to catch it. Only think about the memory while the toy is in the air. They toy serves as a timer to help keep you from looking at the memory too long.
I’m getting more body sensations than I am visual information when glancing at the memory. This is why we have the ShopVac skill. Try to minimize the body-based activation by looking at the memory for even shorter time and body activation may be easier to catch and container.
Lots of other memories want to come. Yes, but these are like neighbors who may smell the food cooking on your backyard grill. Just because a memory wants to come, that doesn’t mean that it can open your front door, walk through your house, open your screen door to your back yard and take stuff off your grill. We work one memory at a time. Remind parts of yourself this. There will be time to get to other memories later. For now, we work one memory at a time. Route all of these other intruding memories to a huge vault. Other memories wanting to come is also a sign of body-based activation. Use your ShopVac skill and these others memories will be less tempted to come. If lots of memories keep coming despite your attempts, stop. Work in a less crowded neighborhood of memories for a while and return to this neighborhood later.
UNDERSTANDING THIS APPROACH
Aren’t we just doing a bait and switch here? Thinking about something bad then replacing it with something good? No. If you are able to do this approach the way you are guided, the memory should fully, permanently, and adaptively resolve. We are not simply distracting you from the distress in this memory. We are helping your nervous system realize that the bad memory is over. The memory is being moved into normal memory space. More technically, the memory is being “moved” from the limbic part of the brain (home of love, disgust, chocolate, addictions, phobia, etc.) into the neocortex part of the brain (home of language, reason, perspective, and rational sense of time).
WORKING WITH A SYSTEM OF PARTS
A part of me doesn’t think working on a particular memory is a good idea. Then don’t. That part probably knows what it is doing. Engage that part with gratitude and compassion and ask it if there is another memory territory that may be more tolerable to work on today. Then ask if all parts are willing to work on a memory in that territory. Roll with parts. Listen to them.
Resolve Memories 